What are the ingredients of a successful marriage?

Have you ever wondered about what are the ingredients of a successful marriage? Well if you have not till now, would it too much to ask you to think about it? I don’t’ think there is any harm in discussing that as nowadays we are so much engrossed with stories of broken marriages that we would like to hear some positive features that can make a marriage tick. A few of us may want to know the secret recipe that can make a marriage survive all the ills of time that tests our stability.

This article revolves around the possibilities of how can you make a marriage in a creative way. In fact there is nothing called a secret ingredient that can make a marriage work. The ingredient rests in your own hands which is more about situation handling and moving on with your better half. Here are a few ways by which you can make the difference according to me. It is not important that you have to agree with me, but in my short span of 2 years of conjugal life I have learnt these few things that are discussed as follows.

For that the first thing you need to do is to put in all your efforts to make your partner believe in the bond that you two have made. Yes marriage is a bond between to individuals that should be well understood and then invested in with care. In order to make your partner believe in this, you need to have faith in more than anyone else. Remember this is a subtle fact that cannot be expressed through words but by behavior.

We have been taught that the institution of marriage is a social contract between two people. Have you ever thought about this discourse from any other perspective? Okay the truth I have and I found a meaning that is completely different from what we think of it. This social contract to me indicates a connection that can be termed as friendship. Now you may agree with me as this simplification can add a brand new definition to the institution of marriage. To make things simple I would like mention here that companionship should be base of marriage. This can solve many a problem if two people can understand each other like friends.

In relation to this it needs to be stated that you can communicate with your partner freely like a friend that can bring a change without any doubts. Treat your partner like a friend and things will become easier. Nevertheless do not forget that you need to know your boundaries while doing so. This means respect your spouse like a friend but maintain a line of respect as he or she is your better.

Setting these restrictions symbolize that you are ready to give them the required space as well. This is very important which comes next to communication. Both these aspects can come to you naturally if and only if you think your cohort to be a friend more than a life partner. Along with this a dash of love more than they need and a sprinkle of sex more than they can take can a super ingredient for a successful marriage for sure.

….And they lived happily ever after

All fairy tales end with this phrase “….and they lived happily ever after” which gets into the head of a young girl and she also wants her prince charming who she thinks will sweep her off the feet and take her away. Away from the world and where they will make a world of their own to “live happily ever after”. Yes we all grew up like that trust me. I also wanted my prince charming to find his way to me and save me from anything…er…at least I could have enacted like a damsel in distress. Thinking of such things, reading a lot of Jane Austen (we have nothing to do with the Duchess of Cambridge as of now) and those romantic stories we grow up from being little girls to ladies. The transition is remarkable but one thing that remains unchanged in all of us is the hunt for that prince charming.

What we do not realize is that the world is no place for a fairytale. It is a practical world where we have to fight it out every day and earn our living. The journey from a daddy’s girl to playing a mother to your own little angel actually starts to delete these fantasies one by one from our memories. Nonetheless call it irony of fate or whatever you like by the time you realize that these are just wild imaginations of the mind, you start narrating these stories to your little who again starts to believe it. Is this just a vicious cycle that we all tend to fall in?

Well it could be explained in this way that these tales are just a way to stimulate a desire in you. This desire will help you to achieve new heights that you could not have anticipated. For example I still want to build a house of sweets like the witch in Hansel and Gretel did! That is to say this will build a hope that will help you learn and grow. This will get you going in life. I am not asking everyone to agree with me, but that is how I have interpreted it. This is because I have a habit of detecting positives out of the worst things in life. Am not saying this is a bad idea, but am only trying to see through this tradition of carrying tales.

I have another premise which is completely different than this. That would be something like this that since the stories of Cinderella, Snow White and Sleeping Beauty end on this note of “living happily ever after,” I in particular would like to know what happened to them after their marriage. They were busy running their household, went to grocery shopping, supervised their house staffs and fought with their husbands for insignificant things. This is what I have deduced that once the prince charming becomes the husband, he no longer remains to be the same. A time comes when we find that life itself has lost its charm again because something has changed. This can be elucidated like this that the meaning of life changes as time passes. Our needs get altered with time and so does our taste. Hence once when the likes of Cinderella, Snow White and Sleeping Beauty fell into the same pit, am sure their stories were no more as captivating as their enchanted fables.

So it would have been boring for the little girl too as she would not be interested in such a story. If she were told about the reality of life at that tender age, then there are high chances that she would surely develop some kind of phobia and lose interest in it. This can further be explained like this that a doctor prescribes you a certain dosage of medication regularly to recover from an illness. It is like a procedure that gives you an inner strength to fight off the ills and get well soon. Similarly we need to understand the complications of life slowly and steadily. An overdose of it can be dangerous at the wrong time for sure. This is probably why it is better to know real things when you have attained the age to handle them to live “happily ever after.”

Everyone thinks that I am scared

Everyone thinks that I am scared. Some think I am scared of lizards, some say I am scared of heights and yet some think that I am scared of ghosts. However no one knows what I am exactly scared of! I think fear is an element that has found its permanent abode in our minds in one or the other form. Everyone is scared, yes that is correct and it may differ from person to person. It could be the fear of losing a job, heartbreak or even death. So it is evident that people are scared of something or the other and I am no exception to the rule.

Coming back to what I am scared of, I would say I am scared of loneliness. Yes that is what I am scared of in reality. I always have been lonely ever since my childhood days. I remember playing all alone on my own and longing for a sibling who could be a companion to me. My parents introduced my sister me when I was 8. It was too late by then as I was so much used to my loneliness that I started taking rejoice in my solitude.

In relation to this solitary state of my mind, I must add that due to my father’s transferable nature of job, I had to change my schools almost every year. I have read in some 13 educational institutions by now, which has never given me the opportunity to stick to one particular set of friends. Anyways most of classmates had their own sets of friends and they seldom liked talking to a newcomer. I was looked at like a foreigner who looked, dressed and spoke like them, but could never become one of them. It happened that I never knew what friendship meant, until I met this girl at my university. We had a special bond for 6 long years. Unfortunately for this friendship gave in to misunderstandings that still remain unresolved.

Misunderstanding is something I am truly scared of as it always has been an ominous contrivance of my life. Be it my father, a dear friend or even my boss at work all of them fail to understand what and why I say. They will shout out at me, hang up on me and leave me forever but will not try and see the reason through as for why I did something or in the very first place did I do that or not! Such is my fate and I am scared of this hideous monster that is like a true friend to me that I don’t want.

Another thing that I am scared of is someone breaking my trust. A lot have as they never thought of keeping it. I was naïve and did not see through their intention as I trust people easily. I believe that I will trust people as it is not my mistake of trusting the wrong kind, but it is them who are to be blamed for playing with others. People make mistakes and I have no complaints against those who have broken my trust and hurt me over and over.

I am scared of losing a loved one because I have lost many. I am scared of not being able to see them every day and miss them regularly. I cannot any more, I think I am tired and it would have been better to get rid of this fear. I know that I have to get over my fears and move on in life as it goes on and for the good of others I have to live it by making it worth.

How to get over a man each time a relationship failed?

Many of my friends ask me about how to get over a man each time a relationship failed? It is not the question of getting dumped or someone walking out on you, it is actually about hurting your self esteem. Well I am no relationship expert but yes I can come forward to help my friends and family. We all try that whenever there is a need for us to rise to the occasion we do it in our own humble ways. I am no exception to this rule.

In the very first place what I tell them is to take time and cleanse their system. That is to be on own as you are hurt and nothing interests you. Take your time to heal. However with the modern lifestyle and with women being upfront about their feelings and ambitions, more and more relationships break. It is a common scenario and there are no doubts about it that the time women started speaking their mind, they started to bear the grunt of broken relationships. If you say you do not want to have sex before marriage, then you are old fashioned and if do then you are a fallen woman. Talk about marriage with the same guy, quick is the response “heyi where did that come from? I thought we were just friends! ” Yeah friends have sex and then walk out on each other when you there is no room left for fun.

Now the question arises do you think such a man is worth your tears? Why do you want to miss him? Look back to your failed relations and you will get a weird answer. My friend Becky was dumped by her boyfriend of 5 years because she asked him to get a better job! Can you beat that? I told her where from the question comes of “how to get over this man?” He simple didn’t deserve her. Isn’t it evident?

Look you already have had a couple broken relationships. Hence chances are that you are a pro in handling such heartbreaks. I am just adding a few more tips as that is what I did whenever I had a break up. I would say go to a salon get a good hair cut or a makeover. Do something and pamper yourself. Get a new wardrobe and make it evident to him that you are not sad and you don’t miss him at all. Make him understand that fun’s really over honey for him not for you, so it’s time that I bid you farewell. So long pal.

Is it really true that one should not get married before 30?

I was going through a few articles as part of my daily research work when I came across this unusual topic. The topic was something very similar to my discussion right now- Is it really true that one should not get married before 30? The argument that was given in support of this is that at least you become matured by this age. In the 20’s people think that they are an object of desire for the whole world. Probably by 30’s that changes and people start thinking that they were wrong.

While these two facts are very true and have a strong point, I would like to add, that well maturity is something that comes with time. However different people grow differently as their distinctive experience teaches them. Some people learn fast and some are little slow. Nonetheless the argument tends to be right as maturity brings stability. This is another aspect that people in 20’s lack for sure. They think that they can keep hovering from one branch to another. They do not think of the consequences of this kind of a lifestyle.

There is no need to explain that this becomes tiring after a time and there comes a time when people do not like to perch on any branch. This is very true as people do not understand where it leads one to. Ultimately at the end of the day you see you are left out all alone in the middle of a busy world where your own people do not have time for you. Then how can you count on friends as they also have their own lives? It is very hard to deduce anything from here as it is the right thing to do, that is marry at a certain age when you think you are ready to comprise a lot out of love and take that responsibility!